Abuse—whether emotional, physical, or sexual—has deep and lasting effects, especially on children. It can leave a child feeling helpless, ashamed, isolated, and develop thoughts and beliefs that may shape their lives long after the abuse ends. These are some of the most common thoughts that they may have as they grow older.
“Everyone will think it’s my fault for not stopping it.”
“Nothing ever goes right for me — this just proves it.”
“If I tell the police, he will hurt me more.”
“Maybe the abuse isn’t really that bad.”
Unfortunately, what they don’t realize is that these thoughts aren’t true. They are the internalized effects of trauma, not reflections of your worth or what you deserve. Understanding these feelings is the first step toward healing. In this blog, we’ll help you overcome each of these thoughts. Here’s what you should tell yourself the next time your mind starts blaming you.
Addressing Self-Blame and Negative Thoughts
“It feels like there’s no way out.”
Healing takes time, but there is always a way out. Seek support from a therapist, support groups, or trusted loved ones. There’s no shame in needing help, and there are people who will stand by you.
“It’s going to go on forever — or get worse and worse.”
The abuse may feel endless when you’re in it, but it doesn’t define your future. With the right support, you can regain control over your life and break free from the cycle of pain.
“If I was normal, he wouldn’t be doing this to me.”
Abuse is never the victim’s fault. The person who abused you is responsible for their actions, not you. There’s nothing “wrong” with you for being a target—it’s their failure, not yours.
“Everyone will think it’s my fault for not stopping it.”
No child has the power to stop an abuser. Abusers manipulate, control, and prey on vulnerability. This is about their wrongdoings, not your ability to stop them. You were a victim, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.
“Nothing ever goes right for me — this just proves it.”
Trauma can make life feel like a series of setbacks. But the truth is, your worth is not defined by abuse or hardship. You have the strength to heal, to find peace, and to build a life where you are in control.
“Maybe the abuse isn’t really that bad.”
Any form of abuse is significant and harmful. Don’t minimize your experience. Healing starts with acknowledging the truth of what happened, no matter how difficult it may be to face.
Read Erin Arvizu’s Rotten Fruit is Falling Down
Erin Arvizu’s memoir, Rotten Fruit Is Falling Down, is a raw, gripping look at abuse and the process of seeking justice. The book sheds light on how deep the scars of abuse can be, but also how powerful recovery and transformation can be when the cycle of silence is broken. If you’re struggling with your own experiences of trauma, Erin’s story offers hope, strength, and a reminder that you are not alone.